“That “when” I once spoke of, that mythical “when” I previously couldn’t comprehend ever actually arriving, is right now.” Shit, thats sort of how I feel right now. Quoted from here.
I narrowed it down to five, five things I fear about turning the BIG Three-Zero. But these five stem from the idea of me moving up the age bracket. No longer grouped with the 20-29 year olds, but rather at the lower rung of the 30-45 year old age bracket. It might seem comical, but my fears are rational and they are my fears. Do not mock my fears for they are the sum of my experiences and in this lonely journey called life, my experiences are all I have to go on. Its as intimate as anything will be, my thoughts and experiences.
List of my five fears:
1. Getting all stuffy and conservative
I feel as I get older I will get conservative with my views on so many things. I already feel when I see kids in high school all I want to do is shake my head and tell them to stop looking like such idiots. The hair some of these guys have- the Jersey shore DJ dude look. See I dont know who the guy is even. I guess thats also the problem, no longer being “in” with pop culture. Those references will be so lost on me if it werent for, well, frankly I dont even know how I will keep up with those things. But then again I don’t think I care. However, that is the problem too. Not caring so that I slowly become an old curmudgeon.
2. I might actually have to start acting like an actual grown up.
I might be loosing sight of what’s “in” but I haven’t lost my inner child. But it does become taxing some times having to shift gears given the context. Lately its just been easier to be serious an grown up all the time.
3. Those little aches and pains will be so much more .
The answer to the question “How do you feel?” will have less to do with my emotional feelings and more to do with my physical ailments and symptoms. The fact is I am five years away from having my first prostrate exam. Prostrate Cancer. That screams of old age, though, I know better than that. Cancer in any form strikes anyone at anytime. (Griffith)
4. I wont be happy with what i am since i’m all grown up.
There is no “upcoming star” or “rising employee” no matter where I go at this point its all relative, there will always be some kid younger then me trying to jockey for whatever position I am in. That whole designation is for the kids in their 20’s, not the near-40-over-the-hill sort like me. There is no “maybe five years from now” because that shit was easier to frame in the future when I was living pleasantly in the present, its now that future and there seems to be little time to talk about wanting to do something and needing to have it done, like yesterday.
5. Routines, settling into them
While I realize that I have absolutely no choice but to embrace my getting older, I still have a choice to process and purge my feelings about that prospect. For some its easy to kick the 20’s and move on, but I feel like I’ve always been a late bloomer when it came to life experiences and I just was getting comfortable with living my life in my 20’s, so yes, I feel like I am being dragged kicking and screaming into my thirty’s. One thing I’m not as fearful about is that ticking clock, God it feels good to be a guy on days like these.
We’re all too familiar with the thirtieth-birthday cliché [for women]: The semi-tragic single lady has a meltdown about how she’s old and she’llneverhavekidsandshe’sgoingtodiealone! Kate Hudson put it this way in Something Borrowed: “You’re 30—you can’t afford to be picky.” Lily Allen sings it thus: “She’s nearly 30 now and…society says her life is already over.”
Read more on women’s perspective on turning 30 here.